the quality of the listening
with true silence on my part
makes all the difference
for you doesn't it?

how you honor me
sharing like you will
so authentically
in search of understanding
and a piece of peace

for who am in the world?
struggling up my own mountain
sometimes even properly equipped

it's the days I pack my wings
that upon reaching a new summit level
I take a break from Earth's floor
and check out what's fresh in Heaven

sometimes I feel ready to stay in the celestial
then some angel asks me where'd you get those wings?
made them myself actually, at the Bumbershoot Festival in 1998
and then I bid farewell and drift back down to solid ground
head home for an evening of the copy game, Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle, and falling asleep in my daughter's bed
hamster's wheel squeaking and princess night light
showing me the way and where I belong
for now.

many more to listen to tomorrow
happy to do it.

Heaven will simply need to wait awhile for me and my wings made of pink foil and wire hangers.

summer snow

Summer snow is falling
Like cotton that escaped its field
Soaring out of the harvester's grasp
Blanketing the grasses
Collecting in corners

Proving the wind is a mover and a shaker

Or are angels playing softball
In a league like no other
Hurling wishes our way?

haiku at 3pm

Such a dance this is
And what a dancer you are
Graceful diplomat

If squirrels can rest than so can I.

I had a rare and notable opportunity today.

Actually, (as Bronte has been saying properly since age three) I have at least one a day and realize I don't always make note of them. This notable moment was shared with a companion I treasure. Alot. In fact it was his keen attention to details that makes this entry possible at all.

Have you ever seen a squirrel rest? Actually, take more than a pair of split seconds to rest? We two did today and best of all we saw it together.

I dedicate this post to my oh so mindful beloved, who caught for us a moment of mystical grace and humor at 9am.

It was a Friday morning like any other in someways. I had to pack a nutritious lunch, and remember the library book bag so new books could be checked out and ultimately to get my daughter to school by 8:30am. Achieved. From school, I'd normally head onto a day of zen-like work. Work these days has been a bit routine so I consider it my daily paid meditation and that helps me maintain the great attitude I am known for. But today I would turn left not right, and return home to spend the morning with a friend. Coffee and conversation the only thing to do till noon arrived when we'd part ways again for a while. This kind of time on a Friday morning feels simply delicious and almost decadent.

It's 9am. We are seated near the big picture window in my living room taking in some light, when he gazes to the rhodendron bush ablaze with bright pink blossoms just outside, then notices something different and says, "I've never seen a squirrel do that before. Have you?"

And I look to the tree outside the front window to observe a squirrel settled on the limb near a stable intersection of tree trunk and main limb. The squirrel is holding itself in a Child's Pose. For those who don't know the basics of yoga, imagine your self curled up in a ball with head tucked into your chest and your arms wrapped about your legs folded underneath your belly.

The squirrel stayed put: one then two then more minutes with head tucked in, paws tucked in, with tail lying flat against its spine. Even closed its eyes briefly as if it was praying. An upstairs neighbor slammed his front door and the building shook. The squirrel raised its head ever so slightly and unrolled its paws momentarily but beyond that didn't move. Then recoiled itself and resumed its meditation. And there it sat virtually motionless until another squirrel scittered up the tree and chased it down. We watched in amazement for squirrels have a reputation of always being on the move by day. The squirrel's concentration broken, it ran to the ground and nibbled on a piece of rhodendron bark before running back to the spot it previously occupied on the tree branch and chased off the younger squirrel that had disturbed it.

That squirrel watched us from its vantage point. We watched it. Eyes on eyes. It seemed to be starring at us as we spoke of his "odd" behaviour. Why odd? We are accustomed to seeing squirrels with their squirrel energy forever in motion but seldom if ever at rest. It was a magical moment really.

So squirrels do yoga? And meditate? Wonder what else they do that I have prior to this day presumed they don't?

If squirrels can rest than so can I.

notes from the hamster channel

Care to hear an amusing story to “divert” your attention for a moment.

Bronte declared yesterday emphatically she wanted a pet. A goldfish and a cat she tells me and her dad.

She is wanting a pet and tells us she is ready for the “possibility” and can handle it…what she means is she feels ready for the "responsibility" and as you know so well after a single visit she is adorable as she stares you straight on and tells you what she wants in the now. I would not crush this spirit for anything. Turns out that the source of this intention is that certain classmates are going on about their pets and of course Bronte wants now for her self a cat like Sophie, a goldfish like Grace or a hamster like Piper!

We explained to her that dogs chew shoes. Cats often scratch furniture, the bigger the animal the smellier it can be and that you can’t cuddle goldfish, only watch and feed them. We suggest that she compare what it would take to set up housekeeping for a goldfish vs a cat vs a hamster and she and her dad take off to Petco to do the research…but not to purchase.

I get a frantic call that her beloved “Bubblegum” a pink and white striped stuffed cat she took with her to the store has been lost and they are searching all the nooks and crannies of Petco where she might have set Bubblegum down for a moment. So down I come to help search (for the Petco is very near the place we all live) and add my eyes and intution to the search. Dad doubles back to the satellite library in the little community mall near our apartment that she loves. Sure enough the kitty is found among the children’s books where she left him. And dad failed to notice she left with less than she came in with. Not the first time he has overlooked her personal belongings dragged along and left behind. Won’t be the last I suspect. No matter.

She is now so happy to have Bubblegum back naturally her attentions next turn to the aquarium with three hamsters that are a family given to Petco for adoption….Harry and sons…

Harry is a furry striped and rather attractive hamster. His sons sre simply small and golden and cute as all small things are. And to the average viewer impossible to tell apart.

She begins telling us she’d like to take Harry home and we listen attentively preparing no response. No need for we had set this trip to Petco up to be a research only…she will one day be a great negotiator, mediator, diplomat if she so chooses. Turns out we can adopt them at no cost except to set up their living quarters. If you could see her big blue eyes…and you have.

So $57.03 later we are leaving with the clear glass aquarium with aerated top cover, pink and blue bedding, running wheel, chew toys, food, a plastic and hollow strawberry for them to nest in and a rolly ball so that they can run about the living room for a change of pace. A real bargain actually considering…

It was 10pm when their house was set up and we were all three watching the three of them all try to use the wheel at the same time. And we determined that we’d name the “twins” Ying and Yang and we can tell them apart and I‘ll tell you why.

Harry and Ying like to run north (based on how the wheel faces the wall. Yang like to run in the opposite direction. It’s a riot to watch one flip out the other as they attempt with incredible determination to get into the wheel and commence to run in the direction they would like…kept us occupied for over 30 minutes. We call it the Hamster Channel.

We are investing in a second smaller wheel for the boys.

And at 3:30 am that wheel was still in use dad tells me this morning. They are all sleeping now I am told.

Wherever you are remember that life is about these moments more than anything. Simple and ecstatic bliss as children is easy to come by. We need never lose this ability.

And when you need to regroup after a stressful moment visualize if you can this.

One very furry hamster with a raccoon like face and two golden twins that want to run in opposite directions and content to repeat till they can only do one thing, burrow into a bit blue and pink bedding and sleep. A short nap and a meal of nuts and seeds later the exploration begins again. Best thing I did for ME of late was say yes to my little one’s request for a pet! For I just gave myself access to my little girl as well.

This message brought to you by the Hamster Channel!

still true haiku

How many also seek
Only to find resistance
When love is offered?

And how many choose
simply and sweetly to try
Again and again

To this call to love
Am I committed deeply
This lifetime each day.

haiku from december found again

For the sake of truth

I paused to reconsider

What I wrote, still true

greatest achievement? inspirations? a personal essay

So my homework assigned last week was to think about and address the following questions:

What is your greatest achievement? What inspires you?

And I think to myself as soon as they were spoken aloud, "These have got to be trick questions, at least one of them is. Surely the answers will always be very personal and subjective, in some cases too intimate to share? And no two people would ever answer the same, although there might be some common themes that emerge quickly. Common rites of passage that we all might choose to experience. It's all in the details that it becomes "my" greatest achievement and what inspires me. Or so I dialogue with myself.

And so what is my greatest achievement?

How can this be known before I am complete in this life I am still living? Or is the answer so simple it alludes me? Perhaps it is as simple as choosing to begin again each day? And making the choice to be positive, compassionate and joyful to all who cross my path. And to deliver my best effort again. Perhaps it is as significant as finally choosing to become a parent seven years ago (and agreeing to all that comes with it and it's a long term contract indeed)? And being glad for the journey I am on with my daughter who keeps me so alive, young at heart, honest and authentic. I am glad for all stages of parenting experienced thus far and for those yet to come and loving the process.

Or drawing on past achievements, perhaps it is the knowledge I took on a new sport as a 9th grade freshman and began 24th out of 25 runners on my High School cross-country team and finished the season 7th overall, on the varsity team and was voted MVP by my team. As a freshman that felt great. Or how about the time I ran my first half-marathon in under two hours at eight minute miles when my goal had been nine minute miles. Yes, I ran eight minute miles, 6 of 13 miles in significant pain; and I surprised myself when I refused to walk even a mile and somehow found the energy to virtually sprint the final mile. And the experience left me wanting to train for another as the precursor to running a marathon?

I considered the journey I took to finding my birth-mother after 34 years of not knowing who she really was; I was always wondering. That reunion felt great despite the wounds it re-opened for each of us. I felt a missing part of me was restored. And then came the work of creating a healthy relationship with her that continues to deepen year after year. So often the reunions go sour. When they stick and work, it feels great. Attributes we shared all our lives were plain as day. A lot of questions about who I inherently am got answered that day. A lot more got considered.

In the more recent past, I helped build a charter community of 70 people. It took dogged determination, contacting hundreds and hundreds of individuals we sought for the community. It took producing informational events designed to inform and inspire people into action quickly. I was contacting people I didn't know at all. I was inspired by what they made their life's work. Coaching, Educating, Counseling, Healing. I know they saw the vision as I/we presented it to them. And my belief in the idea helped create a bridge for them to cross over and trust that the Founder would deliver on her master plan. As I believed she would. In the process that took place over nine months, I gained the trust and respect of far more than the 70 who signed on to the proposed plan. I also earned the friendship and respect of others who passed on the opportunity for the time and declared how they appreciated being invited, wishing they could join. That alone seem to give them new energy and belief in their chosen path as healer. And I earned a wealth of knowledge about healing modalities that were previously unknown to me.

At this stage of my life my greatest achievement might be my ability to maintain a positive attitude and be committed to contributing to making the world a better place. By small and random and ongoing acts of authentic kindness and compassion. By listening hopefully far more than I speak. By watching for what is going on and not being said aloud. By challenging myself to stay alert and mindful of the need for peaceful people. By being that calm in the room. By looking always for the goodness in people, possibilities of all kinds, family in all forms, friendship that spans time and space, and what's possible for me or anyone to accomplish in a lifetime as a person, woman, mother, partner and in a career of my choice that adds value to my immediate and extended community.

To be a pebble in the pond that creates a ripple that expands outward.

Ultimately, I embrace change and challenge and even chaos. For one path of chaos is that it seeks to reorganize itself into a higher form. So one achievement I enthusiastically claim my own is my welcome of both opportunity and crisis that I might learn, grow and profit from the full spectrum of the process I am part of.

So then what inspires me? Well that is considerably easier to answer extemporaneously.

A lot of little things.
#1 source occurs when I open my eyes each morning with fresh knowledge I have been given another day to do my best again.

That spring returns after winter every year I live inspires me.
That what my kindergarten teacher Miss Mosgrove taught me STILL completely applies to daily life inspires me.
That I know the stories of hundreds and hundreds of people who choose careers in healing and education that are paid too little, work too much and still have a great energy and commitment inspires me. That they continue to show up for those they serve and teach inspires me.
Just about every teacher I have ever had inspires me to be a teacher of some kind myself, if only to my daughter, her friends, my peers, my friends, and all who have yet to meet me.
That my mother's husband has been teaching for 35 years and still loves it as much as ever inspires me.
That an 89 year old teacher was honored for her 69 years of service and she has three job offers to consider inspires me. http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=5421344 (be inspired yourself!)
That it is never to late to begin again to reinvent one's self inspires me. And that there are more and more means for doing just this. Resources are more abundant than ever. Wisdom is available on demand to those who seek it.
That necessity is the catalyst for inventions and technologies that seem sometimes to arrive just in time inspires me.
That we can adapt again and again and continue to do so inspires me.
That I know who I am, how I got to this heart/mind space, what I value most, what I will stand for, that I accept my gifts and use them daily serves as a source of inspiration again and again.

I could go on and on about all the things that inspire me and tomorrow there will be something else not on the list. Same could be said for my list of greatest accomplishments. That too is a work in progress that inspires me to stay in the game. Or is it the dance?

I promise to complicate your life in a most delightful way.
And request you do the very same for me.

The Proper Use of an Umbrella

This weekend Bronte and I headed toward the magnificent UW Arboretum for a bit of drawing and coloring, gardens in bloom with dogwood and more. We had every intention of watching an artist friend of ours work on a pastel painting and joining in the ritual of rendering nature prior to our picnic.

Alas, it was overcast and we showed up to meet “the artist” anyway and together devised an alternate plan. A walk, yes, a walk, we determined before our picnic, just the thing to do with our time. But we had to acknowledge a grey sky that looked ominous and dared it to rain on us! And then we headed to walk the Wintergarden.

And it was at this point that Bronte said the most marvelous thing.

She looked up and noted it was not raining. She had also insisted on taking the Red and White Hello Kitty umbrella and said ever so logically, “It’s not raining, so I will put up the umbrella.”

It made perfect sense to Bruce and I in the moment. And so she did. And it began to gently rain a few minutes later. And in less than 30 minutes it was raining buckets and we retreated for some cover and that picnic. And drew portraits of each other on little pieces of paper. Furrowed brows and all.

And later…

It occurred to me that in times of pending rain I have two choices before the rain arrives or doesn’t. I can put the umbrella up proactively or I can invite the rain to rain on me as if I were a living thing in need of its nourishing moisture.

I hope you are all doing well on this glorious sunshiny day.