i no longer resent
nor do i blame
nor will i complain of
nor will i withdraw to sulk
nor will i confront
those that choose to leave
and say goodbye
and just evaporate into thin air
from my "life" as i know it
for once i saw
my youngest self
utterly confused
being left behind
after being born
and with some aid
recently, revised this story
that is mine mostly
so these days when i am faced with being wholly alone
i roll up my sleeves
draw another tree of my own creation
drink tea and wine till midnight
toasting my own existence
dance freely and fiercely
my own dance of the seven veils
shedding all pretense
loving again first my own single self
and bless the air for supporting my breathing another day
i'll always seek love, community, family and beloved partnership
and sometimes even solitude
but never for long the solitude
for i am child that was removed from my mother's womb
swaddled in flannel
hidden in the back of the nursery
given away to others who promised to love me
who left
and that first broken bond, the absence of which has made all the difference in who i became (and remain)
cannot seem to be restored completely
i am content with this
but my moods wax and wane like the moon
and there will be days i am hollow
and my thirst unquenchable
and my hunger insatiable
on these days i now hibernate
and days i am sated do i come out to play
for no one is cause for my unhappiness
only i can do that to me
and i am clear that i am here this time
to love, to love, to love
so i build a bridge again and again to the other side
where my creator-mother stands looking longingly at the woman
she wishes were infant
that she never held
fresh from her belly
when i'd have fit into her arms
like a doll
